South park stick of truth: cathren's story
by Ibuki clan
Summary: This is cathren's story on her first week of being in south park and how she became part of the raging war between humans and elves... it's a bad summery and i know not any of you like that but still try it! CartmanxOCxCraig kylexOC warning mild sexual themes and lots and lots of expolsions.
1. Chapter 1

）╯︵ ┻━┻ FLIP THAT TABLE.  
┻━┻ ︵FLIP THIS TABLE.  
┻━┻ ︵ ＼('0')／ ︵ ┻━┻ FLIP ALL THE TABLES  
wrigter..-_-  
-_- Put.  
-_- The tables.  
-_- Back.  
(╮°-°)╮┳━┳ ┳━┳ ┳━┳ ┳━┳ ┳━┳ ┳━┳ ┳━┳

 **I DO NOT OWN SOUTH PARK IN ANYWAY! I ONLY OWN ANY OC'S THAT POP UP!**

* * *

Cathren sighed as she stared blankly at the darkness that was the back of the moving truck. Her parents thought it best for the short haired brunette to be in there so the moving guys wouldn't steal anything while her parents weren't around. Soon she felt it some to a stop and the moving guys pulled up the door as Laura shielded her reddish brown eyes from the bright light an her dick head of a father poked his head in.

"I'll take it from here sweetheart, why don't you go up and check out your new room?" he said as Cathren shrugged and walked past the brown curly haired man. Cathren smiled to see the place was red. It was her favorite color. Now all she had to do was find….

"Meow~" Cathren looked down to see a black aged cat with yellow green eyes waltzing over its chunkiness to her with its blue color jingling along.

"oh there you are kitty. **(Fun fact! I actually have a cat exactly like this IRL I never noticed she was closely named to Erics cat until I watched an episode with in it.)** Come on dad said to check out our new room…. OH, Wait a minute." Cathren stopped at the door and turned back to the van and jumped in and searched each box until she found one labeled ' _Cat's shit'_ Cathren frowned at this, her dad was never fond of kitty since she loved her more than him. Cathren took the box and jumped out taking kitty's box up the stairs with the black cat following her.

She cut open the box with her hidden pocket knife she kept in her grey hoodie and pulled out the cat bed, litterbox, food bowls, toys, and even a cat tree. then began to set it all up the cat tree took a few minutes but hey she did it.

The cat tree stayed near the window so Kitty could see outside. The bed was next to cathren's of course and the litter box went in the bathroom. The cat began to play with her jingle ball while Cathren took a look outside at her to see a blonde teen watching the moving people. But what really caught Cathren's attention was how the guy was dressed he was some sort of a… magician? she could only see the top of his head so it was hard to tell.

Cathren looked at her cat as she also looked out the window while resting in her newly set cat tree. Cathren shrugged and went down stairs to set up the cat bowls. she set them down near the outside door and put the food and water in when she did that she turned around she saw her mom.

"oh, hey mom." Cathren said giving a wave as her mom gave her a sweet smile.

"hi sweetie~ how do you like the new house?" her mom said as cathren shrugged.

"I don't mind it much and my room is bigger than the last one." Cathren said as her dad came in with a scowl.

"Heyyyy, why don't you go outside and play? Like normal kids? And not on your games like a mindless zombie?" her dad said in that tone where you know your dad is pissed. Cathren shook her head

"no thanks i want to beat some of my newer games dad." Cathren stated and started to go and get them hooked up as her dad gave a frustrated sigh.

"It wasn't a request it was a demand!" her dad snapped as her mom sighed and went out of the room while her dad took her wrist as nonviolent as possible and dragged her outside while Cathren glared at the dick and felt the door slam behind her….

"Wait a minute I get little to no character development and the main story starts!?" Cathren snapped as the narrator looks over from the bushes.

"hey man, I missed my coffee and I'm out of my mind right now…" narrator explains as Cathren rolls her eyes.

"At least tell the readers some of the stuff that's going on… wait you know what? Let me." Cathren said as she cleared her throat.

"well for one me and my family just moved into this quiet little mountain town and my two friends Gabby and Mathew are also here… well Gabby will be here in a week and Mathew is to enveloped with his girlfriend to hang with me. So I'm here on my own right now. My parents are complete polar opposites when it comes to raising me, my DHD or dick head dad wanted a boy but when I was born a girl he got all pissed off and his tantrum lasted for sixteen years now, my mom on the other hand never cared for gender and loves me like every mother should love their kid. I also have a breast problem…. I don't really care but I hate being so flat chested that people CONSTANTLY mistake me for a boy I'm sixteen man! Sure once or twice is one thing but this is every FUCKING DAY! And-"

"pssst honey." A voice said as cathren turned to see her mother was peeking through the mail slot.

"mom?" Cathren asked as she looked at the mail slot only to see a twenty dollar bill slipping out to her.

"this is for you so you don't go out there with no money ok?" Her mom said as cathren smiled and took the bill with a smile.

"thanks mom~" Cathren said as her mom smiled and shut the mail slot and footsteps echoed away from the door while cathren pocketed the money.

"You shall die by my war hammer drow elf!" a wimpy voice said catching Cathrens attention as she looked over down the sidewalk to see that blonde kid again only to see him fighting some other kid that was dressed as a woodland elf. Cathren slowly walked a bit closer to get a better look.

"Nu-uh!" the other kid that was dressed as an elf said as the two fought.

"I banish thee to the forest realm!" whimpy id stated as the elf courted back saying mostly the exact same thing Cathren smiled and leaned against the tree to watch them fight only for the guy to completely over power the poor kid.

"help someone! I can't hold out much longer! HEEEEEELP!" the blonde kid shrieked as Cathren glared as the other as he kept on hitting the kid. Cathren cracked her knuckles and marched over to the "elf".

Cathren loomed over the guys shoulder and menacingly tapped his shoulder as he turned snapping at her.

"what the fuck do you want asshole?" Cathren wasted no time a cracked that guy in the jaw.

"OW! No fair! I'm going to tell my mom!" the boy said holding his jaw as he ran off. Cathren sighed and looked at the boy who was getting up and smiled the most innocent smile she's ever seen.

"Thanks kid! I didn't realize he had a health potion on him. M-my name is butters the merciful! I'm a paladin I live right next door to you, we should be friends!" he said happily as Cathren smiled she couldn't help it this guy seemed too sweet for words.

"hey since you helped me want to join our game? I'm sure a cool guy like you would be awesome to play with! And the wizard king has been talking about your arrival." Butters said as Cathren raised an eyebrow and shrugged and walked in pace with the boy.

"so where are you from?" Butters asked while they walked.

"I'm from virgin Utah, it's sort of like this in the winter so this isn't that bad really." Cathren said as butters nodded.

"so do you like Colorado?" Butters asked as Cathren shrugged. "I guess, I just got here so I'm not sure."

The two walked up to a green house just next to butters. Cathren looked over and blinked at the fence with a sign saying "kuppa keep".

"I don't get it. How did this guy know I was coming." Cathren asked with her eyes wandering more at the place while butters knocked on the door. The door was soon opened for cathren to meet a slightly taller boy that was on the bulky side but not unhealthy plus he was obviously a wizard due to his attire. The moment the boys eyes landed on cathren his face courted in confusion and disgust.

"Butters, did you bring a fucking girl here?" the boy asked folding his arms at the blonde.

"W-well you see grand wizard, I was getting killed by a drow elf and… wait I forgot to ask your name!" Butters said as they both looked at her.

"my name is Cathren." She said as butters smiled. "Right! And Cathren came in and gave the elf a good crack in the jaw! And I thought: hey! We should recruit her so she can beat up more elves for the humans!" butters said as the boy looked back over to her with a slightly less disgusted face.

"so you can fight? No damsel in distress? You won't be having me or any of the others saving you're ass all the time?" the grand wizard asked making cathren scowl.

"I hate being the damsel in distress! I'd rather be kicking ass than getting my own kicked." She said making the wizard think for a moment.

"alright, I'll let you in on a test run. If I like what I see from you, you can join up officially. My name is Eric cartman, the grand wizard of kuppa keep." Eric said moving a bit out of the way for the two to enter.

"Wait, before we start: how did you even know I was coming?" cathren asked again since butters never answered.

"oh right, you're coming was foretold by coldwell banker. Now lets get to the kingdom." Eric said as he walked inside with the two in lead (butters shut the door.)

"oh~ who's your new friend Eric?" his obvious mother said as Cathren smiled and before cartman could tell her to shut up he was cut off.

"I'm Cathren I moved in just a house down today. It's no problem me being here is it?" Cathren asked as mrs. Cartman just smiled.

"Oh no, not at all! You go on and play now~" mrs. Cartman said as the three continued on their way to the back yard.

"why did you talk to her?" Eric grumbled as cathren shrugged. "I just thought she was nice so I wanted to be polite." She said while eric opened the glass door.

"Welcome to the kingdom of kuppa keep!" Eric said as Cathren blinked at the site, she's never seen a backyard fort look so cool! And she made one out of two chairs and a sheet with a few cardboard boxes… but nothing like this!

Eric walked over to an obvious shop and gestured to the brunette with a slanted helmet and red attire.

"our weapon shop is tended by clyde a level 14 warrior." The wizard said as clyde tried to straighten his helmet while winking flirtatiously at cathren making her gag and continued following with butters.

"over here you see our massive stables. Overseen by the level 9 ranger scott malkenson, who has the power of diabetes" Cathrens's eyes bugged out hearing that while butters just waved innocently at scott.

Then they made it to the end of the pathway and Cathren gasped.

"holy crap a princess Zelda cosplayer!" she stated making "princess Zelda" turn to her.

"mmmpmmpmpmhhh?" Cathren froze not knowing what to say and Eric groaned.

"kinny, just unzip the part over your mouth so we can all understand you." Eric said (more like demanded.) making the hooded kid sigh and undo the zip.

"I said: Eric, what's a girl doing here? Not that I mind but I thought you said you were never letting girls in?" Kenny asked as Eric shrugged.

"I'm only giving her a one day trial run, now this is the "breath taking and lovely" princess Kenny the fariest maiden in all of the land… his words not mine." Eric said as he cleared his throat.

"well, introductions are out of the way it is time for your first quest! But first you need to choose a class. Fighter, mage, thief, or jew." Cathren froze at the word jew.

"uhhh why is there a Jewish class?" she asked leaning over to butters.

"It was an inside joke since the leader of the elves is jewish." Butters said as Cathren slowly nodded still not getting it.

"Well I'm going to be a fighter since they can kick ass and are usually the best class to pick in my opinion." Cathren said and butters ran off into the tent. Cathren's eyes scanned the backyard it wasn't half bad, it seemed pretty good for handmade stuff.

"So douchebag, what do you think of my kingdom so far?" Eric asked making Cathren turn to him then look both ways before pointing to herself.

"yes, you. While you are here you will be known as douchebag." Eric explained as if it was the best thing ever thinking it was going to piss her off…. It didn't just do that, it enraged her.

"No." Cathren stated flatly folding her arms. Eric raised an eyebrow and glared.

"what?"

"I said: Fuck. That." Cathren slowly said leaning in while the present members turned to see the commotion.

"but douchebag fits so peeerrfect. I mean girls use those things for their vajayjays so it's natural to call you-" ** _*SMACK*_**

That sound echoed through the yard as cartman's wizard hat flew off his head and a red hand mark formed onto his left cheek. Now if he was ten he would have started crying like a baby and called for his mom while plotting revenge. But he was sixteen now and he matured a bit since then... not fully but enough to control his anger a bit better.

"My name is cathren. Got it jack ass!" She growled as the bulky teen just stayed silent and grabbed his wizard hat while muttering a slight whatever.

The rest of the guys watched in shock at how Eric Cartman handled that whole ordeal. Cathren felt slightly guilty for doing that since he was probably joking, one of the problems Cathren has is taking everything seriously. So if someone starts to joke with her she might take it the wrong way entirely and get offended.

Butters came back to see everything silent, confused he went over to Eric.

"this is all I could find from the fighter box, I think the elves could have taken some since more people are joining there side." Butters said showing a long black headband with matching finger less gloves… and that was it.

Eric's eye twitched at that and glared over to the way Cathren assumed the elves base was.

"it's fine, it's fits me anyway. Nothing to flashy and it also matches my outfit." Cathren said taking the items and started tying the headband around her forehead and slipped on the gloves.

"well, all this shit aside. Why don't you go procure yourself a weapon… and don't complain about getting a crappy weapon at the start like clyde did. You'll get better weapons as you level up alright?" Eric said as Clyde just sighed and got the wooden sword out knowing that's the only thing the new kid can buy.

While cathren walked over Kenny came up from behind and tapped Eric's shoulder.

"what kinny?" Eric said in an annoyed tone.

"whats with you today? I thought for sure when she smacked you, you were going to blow up on her! But I think I can say the same for the rest of us is that what you did shocked us." Kenny said as Eric just sighed.

"Professional courtesy, she was nice enough to not call me a fat ass like you assholes, so I didn't blow up on her… but if she smacks me again I'll kill the bitch." Eric said as Kenny just oh'd and saw Cathren getting the sword.

"she does have bite though." Kenny commented as Eric just hummed and notice clyde's hand brushed against Cathrens ass without her notice when she turned to go back up to the three waiting for her.

"ah, so you proclaimed a weapon. Nice. Now it is time to teach you how to fight. You may know how but there are rules. I want you to take your weapon and with the bravery of a noble knight…. Beat up clyde." Eric said flat out pointing at clyde making the warriors eye brows furrow.

"What?" Clyde asked as Cathren turned to him then glanced at Eric.

"don't be shy now cath, kick his ass. Prove to me a girl can fight in this army." Eric said pointing at the brunette as Cathren raised an eyebrow at her new nickname… well at least he didn't call her douchebag.

"what I'd do?" Clyde asked as if he didn't sneak a feel.

"I'm the king Clyde! And the king wishes to be amused! Go on Cath kick his ass." Eric said backing up giving room between the two. Cathren got in a battle position with her sword pointing at clyde.

"nothing personal right?" she said as Butters gave clyde a worried glance as he remembered the punch the elf received from her and looked over at princess kenny who was watching the two get ready to fight.

"actually he just sneak a feel on your ass." Eric stated grinning at the now paling warrior.

"what!?" Cathren snapped glaring at clyde.

"annnnnd…. GO!" Eric said as the two clashed with Cathren showing more strength than Clyde in a heartbeat with her actually denting his helmet in a heavy blow, lucky for him the helmet wasn't on all the way or else that would have hit him as well. Clyde kept on hitting back but only was able to land a few blows since she kept on blocking his attacks.

"God damn it stop!" Clyde snapped frustrated she was having the upper hand.

"Alright one moment please." Narrator said walking out from the bushes with her touch phone. Everyone stopped and watched the unknown person walking up to them.

"Cathren, a few things you should know… first you have some power points to use a special move right now, here give me your phone…" narrator said snatching cathrens phone from her zipped up hoodie pocket.

"HEY!" Cathren snapped while the narrator did some stuff to her phone.

"… here you go, this app'll tell you when you level up, what special moves you got ext. but just so you know once your health bar goes down to zero your considered dead for the battle. Okay? Okay, I think that's everything…. Noooow go back to what you were doing."

"wait a minute please but can we know who you are?" Butters asked as the narrator shook their head.

"don't worry once I snap my fingers this whole conversation never happened~" narrator said stuffing the phone back into cathren's pocket.

"Wha-".

 ** _*SNAP*_**

* * *

Cathren picked up a bat and baseball as she watched the confused expression on clyde's face. With a grin she threw the ball up into the air while everyone eyes followed and when it came down Cathren smacked the ball causing it to smack clyde right into the face and hit him with the bat three more times at least until it snapped.

After that Clyde stayed down sniffling at his lost battle. Eric began bursting out laughing not really expecting the new kid to dish out a beat down on cylde.

"that was fucking hilarious! You were all like BAM and clyde was all: no! no!" Eric kept on laughing while clyde picked himself up and dusted his clothes off while glaring at Cathren. "o-ok ok, all that aside. You have proven yourself worthy Cath. Some inside the tent and I shall…. let you see the relic." Eric said walking into the tent. For some reason the way Eric said that made Cathren NOT want to go in there what if he was going to rape her or something in there?

"don't worry. He's not going to rape you, he's going to show you the item humans an elves are fighting for. you know the goal and such?" Kenny said painting his nails a light pink with cheap looking nail polish.

Cathren calmed down and nodded but felt her phone vibrating.

She took it out and noticed that a grey bar with a 1 by it was filling up a light blue was on the screen. Cathren tilted her head but thought nothing of it and put it back into her pocket then walked into the tent, it smelt like kfc chicken and seemed really old and used, like the "throne' in the center.

"here it is the thing that has humans and elves locked in a never ending war…" Eric said motioning to a pedastool, at first cathren didn't get it at all then she saw IT!... a stick, a god damn stick… WTF!?

"the stick of truth, last week we retrieved the stick from the elves our kingdom was dying but now it thrives for whoever controls the stick controls the universe!" Eric said as Cathren just shrugged this is an imagination game so they have to improvise she guessed.

"Don't gaze at it to long! For its power is too great for mere mortals to look at!" Eric said covering his eyes while Cathren just played along and shielded her eyes away from the "Relic".

"now that you've seen the relic let us discuss your first mission… hmm what can a girl do…." Eric started to ponder while Cathren just started to get ticked off at the sexist male in front of her before she could say anything butters barged in.

"Alarm! Alarm!" Butters shouted jumping while failing his arms making the two turned to him. "what is it butters?" Cathren said placing her hands on the smaller boys shoulders trying to calm him down.

"The elves are attacking!" Butters shouted making eric shout an "ohmygod!" and run outside the tent barking orders with butter right behind him. Cathren was about to go when she saw something move out of the corner of her eye. She turned to see a kfc bucket rolling from the throne, she slowly looked up to see… a mouse.

"..." Cathren deadpanned for a moment before she ran out to help her new teammates

"man the gates don't let them through!" Eric continued while Cathren ran out of the tent. "Clyde guard the stick of truth while we defend the fortress.!"

"Aye aye!" Clyde said running to the fort.

"again for the last time clyde we are not playing pirates!" Eric said as Cathren watched the elves pour in kicking everyone's ass.

"dude… we suck." Cathren said to herself as she cracked her knuckles. "ah well, these guys really do need me."

Cathren took her wooden sword and new set of arrows from the side and started kicking ass…. Well she didn't use her bows unless they were blocking her normal attacks since she wasn't a good archer at all… the elves all started to charge at her since she was more of a threat then butters, scott, and mr. kitty.(eric and kenny wern't doing anything to help)

"God damn it leave me alone!" Cathren said as she landed a hard blow to one of the elves nuts making him lurch forward in pain. Cathren blinked at the new discovery and grinned she turned to the other elves who were watching their friend groan in pain.

"Rock paper scissors anyone?" Cathren said holding out a fist while the four elves just shrugged and did the same.

"rock… paper….s-"

"NUTS!" Cathren shouted while the four elves were hit by a foot, the end of a wooden blade, another foot, and a baseball bat. Making them all freeze in pain then fall over in pain one even crying.

"Elves*pant* *pant* retreat!" one of them said as they got up as best they could before fleeing the yard while cartman began taunting them but cathren noticed something was wrong there was a small noise resonating from it. Cathren slowly made her way through the cheering boys who were quieting down when they noticed her heading to the tent.

She went inside and gasped at the scene along with the others who took notice at the state of the place, arrows were everywhere even stuck on clyde everything was thrown around and knocked over and what made matters worse the stick was gone.

"w-what the hell clyde!? What happened?" Cathren asked not really looking at the warrior who was being tended to by Butters.

"only one person could have done all this…." Butters said while scott started cleaning up (on eric's orders.)

"who?" Cathren asked while eric clenched his hands into fists and opened his mouth and screamed at the top of his lungs:

"THE FUCKING ARCHER!"

* * *

 _ **And there we go, yeah i think Eric started to lose some wieght as he got older sure he's still slightly overweight but he is larger and stronger than most guys.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Welp i'm alive for now. please enjoy my new chapter on Cathrens story.  
**

 **I DO NOT OWN SOUTH PARK IN ANYWAY!**

 **FUNFACT: Cathren nearly killed her parents by accident thinking they were infected by a zombie apocalypse. Matthew and gabby stopped her before she she any blood though.**

* * *

"Woah, woah…. Who?" Cathren asked the enraged wizard while he kicked a stack of boxes causing them to topple onto butters making him let out a short scream that was cut off by various items burying him.

"the archer is an elven warrior who just appeared out of nowhere two weeks ago, he is never seen but he is quick and always spot on with his aiming. The elves secret weapon and triumph card." Scott explained while butters popped his head out of the pile while Eric slammed his throne back into place and plopped his ass down into it while yanking an arrow out of the arm of it.

"Until today. Clyde! You saw the little asshole right? tell us who he is!" Eric said breaking the arrow in two and tossing it in a nearby trash bin before leaning forward a bit with anticipation as the warrior froze as everyone looked at him with curious gazes as he sighed and shook his head.

"he was wearing a gas mask and a hood… I couldn't see his face…." Clyde muttered as the boys (and cathren) slowly looked over to Eric who's excited face changed to one of rage.

"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT CLYDE! I GIVE YOU THE JOB TO GUARD THE STICK AND YOU COULDN'T DO THAT! Now, you've had a chance to redeem yourself by seeing the archer's face and you couldn't do that WHATH THE FUCK!?" Eric roared as he slammed a fist down onto the arm of the chair making it dent under the impact making Cathren flinch at the rage and ferocity of the teen along with everyone else while he paused to think for a second. "Clyde… you are hereby banished from SPACE AND TIME!" Eric said pointing to the entrance of the tent making the warriors jaw drop.

"what? no! you can't do that!" Clyde snapped as Eric rolled his eyes.

"yeah I can! You're banished and lost in time and space!" The wizard stated waving his staff shooing clyde away.

"yeah go home clyde!" butters added as Clyde slowly backed away to the entrance.

"alright, fine! But you assholes are gonna be sorry!" Clyde said pointing at them all and stopping at cathren. "Especially you Bitch! This is all your fault everything was just fine until you came along! Fuck you and all of kuppa keep!" Clyde stormed out of the backyard after that while sniffling as if he started to cry.

"I don't know what I did really…. Other than beat him up for sneaking feel on my ass." Cathren said shrugging.

"nah, he's just pissed off and wants to pin the blame on someone else." Kenny said while they all just made small noises of agreement.

"anyway moving on. You fought bravely on the battle field Cath-"

"Yeah she may be a girl but she sure can fight!" Scott said cutting off eric making the wizards eye twitch. "shut up scott no one cares what you think. Anyway the stick has been stolen and we must retrieve it!" Eric stated to the small group the gathered around the throne.

"yeah but how? From what I saw most of us can't fight very well." Cathren pointed out.

"and our three best warriors haven't reported for battle, my king!" Butters added making Cathren turned to the blonde.

"wait there's more of us?" Cathren asked as Butters nodded to her.

"Yes, Cath I now know what your first mission is going to be. You must go out into the neighborhood and find my greatest warriors. Token, Tweek, and Craig. I am sending you their pictures now. Find them and send them back here chop-chop!" Eric said as Cathren rose an eyebrow and looked at her phone when it vibrated to see a new facebook message.

"heyyyy…. How did you get my facebook page so fast in the first place?" Cathren asked holding her phone in his direction.

"that's for me to know and you to find out." He said with a shit eating grin as he strutted off into his house saying he was going to get a soda. Cathren gave an annoyed sigh and shook her head before getting an iron sword from the weapon store scott was tending too now and went to the backyard gate.

"hey, please wait up!" a high voice shouted making Cathren turn to butters who was jogging up to her.

"what's up?" Cathren asked letting butters have the time to rub his knuckles together.

"W-well since you are new here I could tell you the way around and uhhh….." Butters trailed off as Cathren sighed.

"instead of a long conversation why don't you come along? Like a partner yeah?" Cathren said as Butters blinked.

"wh- you- you want ME to join you? Well ok! This paladin's ready to kick some ass!" Butters said holding a hammer (teen sized since Butters old hammer got to small… for many reasons.)to the air while Cathren raised her sword.

"let's go!"

Cathren followed butters northward to what looked like a movie theater that was showing asses of fire 4.

"huh… a new terrance and phillip movie? Didn't even know one was coming out." Cathren said to herself.

"w-well yeah, to be honest everyone thought they broke up over some bad fart argument. But they agreed to come back for one more movie." Butters said while they passed the Theater to a place called Tweek bros. coffee.

"huh, I don't think I need a master's degree to know this is tweek's place. And it's a coffe place bonus~" Cathren said going in with a slight skip in her step through the glass door and up to the long glass counter (that you see in almost every coffee store like starbucks.) where a man was drinking his coffee immediately he noticed the two teens coming in.

"why hello there welcome to tweek coffee, coffee made with ingredients supplied by local organic suppliers it's local coffee- brewed locally." said as Cathren just blinked she has never heard anyone speak like that in her life…

 _'maybe he is a freaky reject hippies of sorts….'_ Cathren thought not knowing how else to put this guy. **(actually thought this when i first saw tweeks dad IRL.)**

"Hi is Tweek in?" Butters asked while cathren still tried to figure this guy out mentally.

"oh hi butters, let me just check if he's done with his chores. Tweek? Tweek!" soon after a small noise of panic resonated from the employee only room making cathren snap out of her thought tilted her head to the door. "have you picked up the fresh local ingredients?"

"Augh not yet dad! I'm still trying to do all my chores!" a scratchy/jittery like voice shouted back making Cathren blink.

"well hurry up son the family business is relying on you!" mr. tweek shouted only to be responded with a small scream of sorts. "sorry you two tweek can't come play right now, but you can go into the back and say hi at least." said as Cathren just shrugged and went with butters to the employee's only room it was a lot darker compared to the main room mostly due to the machinery.

It didn't take long to see tweek who was sweeping the floor…. Mostly since he was the ONLY guy there. he was possibly the only employee other than his parents. "hey-"

"ACK!?" Tweek shouted in a panic noticing the new face. "W-what? Is THERE something I Can help you with!?" Tweek said twitching and blinked weirdly while Cathren blinked at the shivering blonde, It was the same color as butters but it was longer, wild, and obviously pulled on a lot while his clothing were a messy wrinkled wrongly buttoned greenish shirt with regular blue jeans.

"well first… arrrreeee you ok? You seem scared or something…" Cathren stated as Tweek just blinked still shaking.

"what?AH! n-no I've always been like this!" Tweek said as Cathren nodded in understandment… well she SORT OF understood.

"tweek the elves took the stick again, we need your help!" butters said handing an envelope to tweek while he made a panic look.

"what!? NOW!? THEY WANT ME NOW!? There's no way man! I have WAY too much to do here!" Tweek said gesturing to the factory backroom. Then snatched cathren in a panic. "HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO DO ALL THIS!?" Tweek said in a panic while shaking her making her slightly dizzy then suddenly stopped as though as an idea seemed hit him. "Wait. You two! Could you go get the 4'0 clock delivery for me!? If you do I can finish here and then- and then I'd still have time to play! PLEASE! WOULD YOU!?" Tweek said shaking his hands together in a begging motion.

"well of coarse tweek me and Cathren are here to help!" Butters said in his cheery tone

"Th-that's right! N-no problem dude~ no problem at all~" Cathren said still a bit dizzy as Tweek smiled and got another envelope quickly. "Thanks you guys! It's at kenny's house like always! You give them this and they'll give you the delivery! I'll finish up here!" Tweek said as butters took the envelope and helped Cathren get her scrambled brain back together while the two left.

"this way is the way to kenny's house!" Butters said as the two went to through the park. When they turned the corner that passed the play house pirate ship Cathren noticed a familiar red haired teen sitting next to a curly orange haired girl on a bench.

"Matthew!" Cathren called as Matthew flinched and turned her way along with the orange haired girl. Her hair reached her lower back and wore a green head band with matching bow on her head that matched her eyes and her jacket was a hot pink with white furlike trimming with matching white pants with brown winter boots while Mathew had brown eyes dark red hair that went just past his shoulders and wore a thick black winter coat with brown pants and some tenni shoes that aren't really for snow.

"hey Cathren." Matthew said as the girl next to him waved. "what are you up to?" He asked obviously not wanting to know since he never wants to be bothered when he is with his girlfriend since she was his "princess."

The girl held out a note to cathren and waved it a bit gesturing for her to take it.

Cathren smiled and read it. ' _Long time no see! I haven't seen you since our skype chat when you picked it up instead of matthew_.'

"yeah, it's good to see you too Aria" To be honest Cathren didn't mind how Matthew acted since Aria was not a bitch like the other girls. Although she was a mute so she has to talk through notes and such. But you can imagine the sweetness in her "voice".

"I'm actually going on a delivery so me and butters here can get one of the guys enough time to play our game. It's a real life RPG…. Hey maaaaybbeeee if you got the time-"

"No thanks. I don't do rpgs live." Matthew said held a hand up while Aria also shook her head and wrote down something then handed it to Cathren.

 _'sorry even if I wanted to Matthew wouldn't let me, he'd probably thinks I'll get badly hurt you know? Overprotective sweet heart lol._ ' Cathren nodded with a roll of her eyes.

"Well if you ever change your mind I'm always a call or text away~" Cathren said as the two just waved bye to her and she and butters hurried off.

' _so why are you usually mad at Cathren and Gabby anyway?_ ' Aria wrote down as Matthew sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"well they played a prank on me one april fools, dying my hair red… one problem Gabby didn't read the box and it wasn't washable, so it was a permanent color… I was once blonde but now I got this weird color… they always play over the top pranks on me or each other, always a different target each year. Hehe and yes I also helped in a few. Remember the time I told you how we made Cathren think she was in a zombie apocalypse?" Matthew said in a chuckle as Aria giggled and wrote something down before snuggling up to him.

 _'well I like your hair color.'_ Reading that made Matthew smile.

"So who were they Cathren?" Butters asked in wonder.

"Matthew and Aria their some of my friends, wait til you meet Gabby she's a riot!" Cathren said in a snicker as Butters just blinked at the new names.

* * *

"Woah… this place is… trashy." Cathren said looking up at the green baby vomit colored home and gently knocked at the door since it seemed it would break down if she hit to hard enough and was greeted with a red haired woman who was wearing an 'I'm with stupid' shirt.

"what?" she said flat out while cathren handed the red haired woman the envelope. The lady took a second to examine it then smiled.

"oh this isn't for me sweetie, this is for the nice people who are renting the guest house out in the back. Here's the key so you can get in since they don't usually answer the door for some reason." The lady said handing the envelope with a key back to Cathren.

"thank you." Cathren and butters said as the lady just nodded and shut the door. The two went over to the separate place (that was actually a garage, but hey some people do live in garages. You know like how some live in the basement?) and unlocked the door. The moment cathren went in a heavy scent hit her making her want to gag while Butter pinched his nose the place had smoke and some sort of chemical stuff with three people; two men and one woman that were obviously messed up some way.

"Excuse me, we are here for the delivery for tweek coffee." Butters said his pinched nose making his voice sound funny. One of the men that was wearing a blue shirt took a drag of his smoke then blew it.

"Yeah, yeah, we got the package for tweek coffee you got the envelope?" he said and Cathren took it out and handed it to the man as he looked at it to see if it was legit.

"heyyyy, that's not the kid who usually picks up the order." The man said as they all looked at the two.

"ohh, shit it's a cip!" the other man said in a funny way but cathren and butters didn't have time to laugh at the man's accent since he just grabbed a toilet plunger while the other got a metal pipe and the woman cracked her knuckles.

Cathren and butters slowly backed up and got out their weapons, butters had his hammer and cathren got out her new sword… not much she knows but she still has that hidden pocket knife if she needs it.

The blue shirted man swung his pipe down making Cathren block with her sword making it dent in. She push back making the man trip over his feet and Cathren swung heavily hitting the man hard in the side. Unfortunately it didn't send him retreating just made him groan in pain while holding his side. Cathren glanced over at butters who just seemed to have broken the other man's knee… and being butters who was apologizing like crazy while the adult cradled hit hurt knee and didn't notice what was about to go down.

"Butters look out!" Cathren shouted when the lady threw a box of empty beer bottles at the blonde making him panic and dive out of the way having the box and bottles smash against the wall and remaining liquid and glass shards rained down harmlessly on the two.

Cathren blinked as she slightly shook her head ridding herself of the shards in her hair along with butters as the female renter noticed their friends condition and looked at the two teens.

"I-I'm not risking that type of injury. These cops are nuts! Bail bail!" she said as she dove out the hole that was in the back of the room as the man with the nasty bruise glared at the two kids before fleeing herself leaving the third to stay there groaning in pain.

"well…. I expected that to be a lot longer of a fight." Cathren raising an eyebrow as butters looked worriedly down at the man with the broken knee.

"D-do you need an ambulance?" Butters said as the man just threw a random fist while yelling "leave me alone or arrest me you shit heads!"

"just tell us where the delivery package for tweek coffee is and we'll leave." Cathren said in an annoyed tone as the man just groaned and pointed at a brown doggie bag with a coffee bean on it.

"oh. Thanks." Cathren said grabbing it and opening the door and turned to butters who seemed a bit torn to help the man or not.

"you coming man?" Cathren asked as Butters nodded hesitantly as they left to tweek bros coffee.

"hey man lookie here~" Cathren said waving the bag in the air as tweek smiled and dropped the broom.

"you did it! You got the pickup ahhh thanks man! Dad I finished my work can I go play?" Tweek said while taking the bag and running around the machine as cathren curiously followed.

"where's todays delivery?" asked as tweek handed it to him.

"right here~" Tweek said happily as mr. tweek inspected it in a way cathren knew all too well from cop shows and she mentally smacked herself for not realizing it sooner.

 _'IT'S FUCKIG DRUG OF SORTS! THESE PEOPLE ARE PUTTING DRUGS INTO THEIR COFFEE!? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THEM!?'_ Cathren thought as she shockingly watch mr tweek put the drugs into the brewer without a care in the world.

 _'… no wonder something was off about these people.'_

"thanks butters, cathren! I gotta go get changed and then I'll meet you at the kingdom!" Tweek said as he ran off while cathren got out of the place and frankly cathren probably was out of there in record time while dragging butters along.

"whoa cathren! Y-you're gonna pull my arm out of place. Are you ok? You look pale. Did you see a ghost or something!?" Butters asked panicked as Cathren stopped realizing she just passed the theater already.

"i-it's nothing, I just all of a sudden obtained a fear for coffee shops~" Cathren said as butters shrugged understanding becoming afraid of something he wasn't afraid of before was normal for him as well.

Cathren noticed her hoodie pocket vibrated and made a text jingle. she took out her phone as it showed that odd screen again this time it showed a '3' at the end and some moves that cathren picked up like the assault and battery and even one called roshambo… witch was basically kicking someone in the nuts. Cathren shook her phone a bit wondering what was up with it this is when it showed she had one new text and opened it.

 _' **so I was wondering. What religion are you?' –Eric C.**_

Cathren felt her eyebrow twitch at this and quickly sent a reply.

 ** _'How the fuck did you get my number!?' –Cathren I._**

 ** _'Just answer the answer cath. I'm curious.'-Eric C._**

Cathren glared but complied not seeing any real harm.

 ** _'catholic why?' –Cathren I._**

 ** _'No real reason really :P' Eric C._**

 ** _'…now will you tell me how the hell you got my number?' Cathren I._**

 ** _'Nope~'-Eric C._**

"geez" Cathren muttered under her breath as she shoved her phone back into her pocket.

"yeeahhh somehow Eric has all our numbers. No one knows how he gets'em but he does." Butters commented as Cathren let out a soft chuckle.

"no need to guess you peeked over my shoulder."

"hehe yeah sorry I was just curious. anyway let's get to tokens place it's over there where that giant wall starts… well his property at least." Butters said as Cathren and he two started walking the wall until it got to a giant metal gate that said "dark meadows." And inside that gate there was a giant mansion like house.

"man this kid must be loaded! … and probably snobby and spoiled." Cathren commented as butters chuckled.

"Actually he's pretty nice, sure he's rich but he's not snobby or spoiled. You might like him he's an awesome guy!" Butters said as they neared the side gate for them to enter only to be stopped by a pudgy light brown haired man with a moustache.

"I'm sorry but this is a gated community young men. We do not allow in the riffraff. Move along sirs." The man said ushering the two away from the entrance.

"dude we just want to see token." Cathren said irked that someone else mistook her for a guy as she tried to shove the guy out of the way only to be shoved back.

"I warn you sir I have had five years of training at the mall move along sir." The man said as cathren just growled and marched up inches away from the guys face.

"Listen asshat I'm a woman and if you don't let us through you'll regret it!" Cathren growled as she pulled back a fist not hearing the sound of something shaking.

"Cath watch out! he's got-"

TSSSSssssss

Cathren felt her eyes and nostrils burn making her scream then run to the nearest trash can to throw up as buttered gave her some water he had in his bag and held it out for her. Cathren didn't hesitait to snatch the water out of his hand and pour half on her eyes flushing out the spray and guzzled down the rest panting afterwards.

"if you try that again mam I will pepper spray you back into the stone age." The guard threatened as Cathren glared and took another water bottle from butters more gently this time.

"come on cath lets go to the hospital so you can get treated." Butters said as Cathren nodded still panting from the burn in her eyes.

* * *

Cathren sighed with relief as the remainder of the burning went away after 45 minutes or so and the nurse even gave her a cherry lollipop for being good~

Butters waved to Cathren as she exited to the waiting room as she grinned with a hand midway in the air.

"so what now? I'm sure as hell not going back and getting peppersprayed again." Cathren said as butters fidgeted looking nervous.

"w-well Cathren uhhh…."

"what? What is it?" Cathren asked as butters handed her phone to cathren she took it to see he opened a message that was from the king of assholes eric.

 ** _'BWaahahahaha! Oh man someone just sent me a video of you getting peppersprayed! H-hang on I gotta watch it again! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_ '- _Eric C._**

Cathren glared at the text and the link that lead to her video then at butters.

"got any videos that I can get back at him with?" she asked as butters thought for a moment.

Eric sat on his throne drinking some soda while he scrolled though his facebook messages to see cathren posted something on his wall. He blinked curiously and opened it up only to spit all his soda back out to see an old nightmare from six years ago resurface.

 ** _'laugh at me Eric? Well here's something for me to laugh at BTW you look good in that outfit mind dancing in that again for me sometime soon?'-Cathren I._**

 ** _Link: gay boy dresses as Britney spears and dances with cardboard Justin timberlake while singing touch my body._**

Eric looked at the post mortified.

"how the fuck did she find this!?" He shouted to himself as he started to pace the tent before it hit him. "…butters!" he was about to run out of the tent before stopping himself and re read the comment. "she thought I looked good in that? ... huh well at the time I was pretty sure I did as well an- WA-Nah dude nah shes just messing with me… did she really- nope nope! Shes playing with you already dude! Girls do that to guys they fuck with their heads until they can't think of anyone else but them and them alone. HAHA I got you cathren! You're feminine mind games won't work on me!... hehe but you did get me good Cathren, you now have my attention."

 ** _'Toushe Cath Toushe.' –Eric C._**

* * *

 **Yeah Eric seems to have found a new toy to play with. one problem for him is that this toy bites!  
**

 **anyway please Review! i get demotivated easily due to my adhd and i love the encouragement the reviews give me!**

 **now if you'll excuse me i'm going to stalk Michaela laws on tumblr to see what else she'll post before seduce me 2 the demon wars comes out on may 20th!**


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